The Bullocks

The Bullocks

Friday, July 9, 2010

Why Do I Yell?

It's confession time. And I'm writing this down for public knowledge to make myself more accountable. My devotion this morning from Proverbs 31 Ministries was about taming your tongue and the power such a small thing has. In case you haven't noticed yet, these devotions spur a lot of thought and insight in my life. I love reading them, even when they convict me.

I think I'm figuring something out. The only people I ever yell at are my kids. Now, WHY in the world would I choose to only yell at the little ones that I love more than anything in the world and who are so vulnerable to what I say and do to them?

I have always been a "peacemaker" in my family. I am the middle child of 5 kids. I always held my feelings in, and still do a lot, and just didn't really say much. I was very quiet. Now that I am a wife and mother and have my own home, I have opened up a lot. My dear husband has drawn me out of my shell a good bit.

But I find myself yelling at my children. I get so frustrated when they disobey, when they are fighting, or when they are just not listening to me, and I yell at them. Now, everyone knows that yelling at kids really isn't effective. It more or less just scares them for a minute, long enough for you to get a word in. But it is NOT effective parenting or disciplining. In fact, at times they think it's funny and laugh when I get so wound up that I yell. So, why do I do it?

I mean, I don't even ever yell at Jeremy when I get mad. With him, as with everyone else, I shut down, at least at first. If I begin to speak, I get upset and tears tend to fill my eyes. And we all know guys hate it when girls "bring on the waterworks." And I never mean to cry, it's just what happens.

But I've decided that the reason I feel more free to yell at my kids is because I do not have the fear that they will love me any less. I am their Mama. And when we are the only ones at home, there is no one there to judge how I am acting. All the years of pent up emotions that I didn't let out are now coming out very loudly toward my children. I know I must stop this. Even just yelling to tell them something because I don't feel like getting off the couch and walking to the room where they are needs to stop. It's a really bad habit that I do NOT like in myself.

So, beginning today, I am starting the healing process of this habit. When I find myself yelling, or about to yell, for whatever reason, I am going to tighten my lips, and pause. I know this will not be easy. And there will be many times that I fail. But I'm viewing this as a process that will get better over time, if I try.

One other note...I WILL yell if my child is in danger and it is necessary to get their attention. :) But, I'm hoping and praying that all other yelling will cease. I'd appreciate any prayers for me in this.

This is the prayer from the devotion by Luann Prater of the Proverbs 31 Ministries this morning:
Dear Lord, Thank you for reminding us that a tongue can rip a heart apart, or seal it back together. Teach us to pause long enough to give your Spirit time to work in and through us. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Also, a friend just showed me a book called "Scream Free Parenting" that sounds like a perfect book for this situation. Here is a YouTube link for an ad for the book.