I just put my 7 year old on the bus to school. I came back inside to read my devotion as my 3 year old watches TV. The devotion is about how we pray, particularly for our children.
This is the first year I have "let" my child ride the bus to school. As a kindergartener, I felt he was just too little, and that just carried over into first grade. He has always wanted to ride the bus to school. I just wouldn't ever let him. Honestly, I was worried that his safety was out of my control. It also adds a bit of time to his school day, which doesn't seem to be bothering him so far this year. We are on day 4 now.
My fears and worries about putting him on the bus were not eased on the very first morning of school when the bus never showed up on our street! Apparently our bus driver didn't know she had our road to pick up. Well, I load up Tyler, and Tucker (no shoes) and our neighbor and drive them to school. No, I didn't just drop the kids off. I parked and went in. I talked to the assistant principal who is in charge of the busses. Several other parents and friends were still at the school helping kids find their classrooms, so I talked to them as well. And of course the principal was out and I talked to him. All of this was done as I looked like I had just rolled out of bed. My hair was all twisted up and pulled back. I didn't have any makeup on. I had a tank top and some knit FSU shorts on. I wasn't looking my best for the first day of school. After all, I wasn't planning on going to school yet. But I had to make sure this bus issue wasn't going to be an issue. I also had to be sure Tyler got his "tag" so they knew which bus he should get on to get home after school.
I don't think the bus issue is completely resolved yet. But I've talked to who I need to talk to to get it right. He's being the first on in the mornings and last off in the afternoons. This is not how it's supposed to work. But I've been told it will be resolved. None of this is bothering Tyler yet, and I don't think he even knows I've been talking to anyone about it to fix it. But I'd rather not have him adding an hour to an hour and a half to his school day for no reason, especially in the south Louisiana heat!
Okay, now that my rant is over...on to what this post should be about...letting go! :) You see, this is a very difficult thing for me. I tend to hover over my children to make sure they are happy and cared for and have everything they could possibly need. Putting Tyler on the bus to school is a step for me in letting go. I'm losing a little bit of control. But, this is a good thing. Tyler needs to learn more independence, and I feel confident that he is up to the task.
As I prayed for him this morning, I prayed for his safety and other things. But I seemed to get kind of stuck as I was asking God to help me let go of him and put him into HIS hands. I know I mean this, and I want this, but apparently, it's going to be hard to relinquish control.
Now I know he is just 7 years old, and I still have a good deal of control over what happens in his life, but there are some areas where I need to back off. I am very involved in the school and things that go on there and in his classroom so I can be a part of his life even when he is at school. I remember Jeremy saying to Tyler one day as we were getting ready for a field trip that Tyler couldn't get away without Mama. So far, I don't think this bothers him. In fact, he at least acts like he enjoys it, especially when Tucker gets to come along. They are best friends. It is part of the advantage of my being a stay-at-home mom. I can get involved.
But as I was praying, I really felt like God was telling me that although I was praying this - to put Tyler is HIS hands - I wasn't really doing it. I'm thinking about whether I'm really willing to let go of him and let God have him. Hannah did this with Samuel at a VERY early age. I cannot imagine what all she went through to do this. She seemed willing and happy to do it, as she promised. But I think of all the things she "missed out on" as he was growing up. Yes, she saw him, visited him and talked to him, I believe. But she was not the one in control of his life. This would be hard.
This is another journey for me as a mother. I feel like when I post things about motherhood that I'm dealing with, as in my "Why do I yell?" post, I get advice and support from others who deal with the same things. And it really helps. So, if there are others who read this and have something you'd like to share on this topic, please do! It may help me, you, or others!
