Why Do I Yell?

It's confession time. And I'm writing this down for public knowledge to make myself more accountable. My devotion this morning from Proverbs 31 Ministries was about taming your tongue and the power such a small thing has. In case you haven't noticed yet, these devotions spur a lot of thought and insight in my life. I love reading them, even when they convict me.

I think I'm figuring something out. The only people I ever yell at are my kids. Now, WHY in the world would I choose to only yell at the little ones that I love more than anything in the world and who are so vulnerable to what I say and do to them?

I have always been a "peacemaker" in my family. I am the middle child of 5 kids. I always held my feelings in, and still do a lot, and just didn't really say much. I was very quiet. Now that I am a wife and mother and have my own home, I have opened up a lot. My dear husband has drawn me out of my shell a good bit.

But I find myself yelling at my children. I get so frustrated when they disobey, when they are fighting, or when they are just not listening to me, and I yell at them. Now, everyone knows that yelling at kids really isn't effective. It more or less just scares them for a minute, long enough for you to get a word in. But it is NOT effective parenting or disciplining. In fact, at times they think it's funny and laugh when I get so wound up that I yell. So, why do I do it?

I mean, I don't even ever yell at Jeremy when I get mad. With him, as with everyone else, I shut down, at least at first. If I begin to speak, I get upset and tears tend to fill my eyes. And we all know guys hate it when girls "bring on the waterworks." And I never mean to cry, it's just what happens.

But I've decided that the reason I feel more free to yell at my kids is because I do not have the fear that they will love me any less. I am their Mama. And when we are the only ones at home, there is no one there to judge how I am acting. All the years of pent up emotions that I didn't let out are now coming out very loudly toward my children. I know I must stop this. Even just yelling to tell them something because I don't feel like getting off the couch and walking to the room where they are needs to stop. It's a really bad habit that I do NOT like in myself.

So, beginning today, I am starting the healing process of this habit. When I find myself yelling, or about to yell, for whatever reason, I am going to tighten my lips, and pause. I know this will not be easy. And there will be many times that I fail. But I'm viewing this as a process that will get better over time, if I try.

One other note...I WILL yell if my child is in danger and it is necessary to get their attention. :) But, I'm hoping and praying that all other yelling will cease. I'd appreciate any prayers for me in this.

This is the prayer from the devotion by Luann Prater of the Proverbs 31 Ministries this morning:
Dear Lord, Thank you for reminding us that a tongue can rip a heart apart, or seal it back together. Teach us to pause long enough to give your Spirit time to work in and through us. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Also, a friend just showed me a book called "Scream Free Parenting" that sounds like a perfect book for this situation. Here is a YouTube link for an ad for the book.

Seattle

This past weekend I was able to go to Seattle to visit with my little sister, Laurie. She was graduating from Mars Hill Graduate School with her Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology. This was a very big deal for her, and we are all very proud of her.


So my sisters and mother and I all decided to make the trip up there for her graduation. In addition to being there for her, we all were a little excited about the "Bevell girl" time we were able to have.

On Friday, we went to visit her school at their open house, then on to Pike's Place Market for a little shopping, although it was quite overwhelming with all the people there. There were a lot of beautiful flowers that smelled wonderful, although they didn't really offset the smell of all the fresh fish!

Saturday was graduation day. We celebrated after that with lunch at Chinook's, which is a very yummy seafood restaurant at the Fisherman's Terminal. You know it's fresh! After lunch and naps, we ventured out again for some second hand store shopping. It's amazing in Seattle! We all found lots of things we liked - good quality, name brand stuff. We were all buying "birthday presents" for each other too! It was great fun!

Sunday we slept in a little, and then went to a great little French bakery for breakfast. It was one of those tiny, family-run places that only those who live there could tell you about. It was really yummy!

Then, the 5 Bevell women went off to see the movie "Babies." If you haven't heard of it, it's basically a documentary about 4 babies from different countries during the first year of their life. There is no narration or dialogue, or even any translation of what the parents of the babies from other countries are saying. Basically, we observed pieces of each of their lives during their first year. We really enjoyed it. And for those of you who know the Bevell women, it's quite fitting that we would all see this - together! Our husbands were also appreciative that we went together - and not with them!

A funny thing about going to the movie is that we ended up sitting in "order." Completely by accident, we sat in order of our age. Then we noticed that we also were sitting in order of number of "babies" we currently have, including my mother (5,4,3,2 & 0). It was very amusing (to us anyway)!

From there, we did a little more second hand shopping. There is just so much of it there and we were all really into it! I had to stop looking or I would have run out of room in my carry-on. We did a little "souvenir" shopping for a few things to take back to the family too.

We also went on a hike in Carkeek Park, which was only about a block from Laurie's house. There were some very pretty things to look at, but a very nice place to go just to "get away." Laurie says she goes there at least a couple of times a week, and I can see why. We ate at a picnic table and talked and laughed about "The Office" episodes for a while. :) Then we drove down, although it was within walking distance, to the beach. By this time, the sun was about to set and it had gotten VERY cold, so we ended up not staying too long, but I really wanted to see it! It was beautiful at sunset!

Everywhere we went we were seeing different parts of Seattle and taking it all in. Although we didn't visit the Space Needle, I did see it. We passed the Mariners baseball field and the Seahawks football stadium. We saw downtown, farmer's markets, cruise ships, fishing boats, the Puget Sound (everywhere), some beautiful scenery, and lots more.

Although I really missed Jeremy and the boys, it was really great to get to take this trip and it just be us without our kids for a few days. It was precious time, and we are all glad we did it.

Tuckerism of the Day

As we were heading to Walgreens this afternoon, I went through my usual talk about being good in the store. Tucker says, "Yeah, no disobeying Mama. No running off. And no thinking either. Mama knows when we're thinking!"

I love it! I did not comment on this. I just smiled and laughed (quietly). If he thinks this even for a little while, I will enjoy it while it lasts!

Orange Beach 2010

Before it gets too far out of my memory, I decided I should blog a little about our Orange Beach 2010 vacation! We were there from May 22 until June 1.

As you all know, the BP Oil Spill has now hit many beaches in the gulf region. We were lucky enough to have booked our beach trip for before the oil reached Orange Beach. I know many others were not as lucky as we were, or are traveling further to get to clean and clear beaches.

This is the third year (2 in a row) that we have taken a vacation to Orange Beach. It is a great family vacation spot. We also have gone with other families that we are close friends with who also have kids our kids' ages! This is the way to do it! The first 2 trips we went with Toby and Eron Hamblin, and their kids, Todd and Ellen, and Kurt and Mandy Goodwin, and their kids, Dylan and Hayden. This year, the Hamblins had moved to Virginia and did not make it to Orange Beach with us. We were very disappointed they couldn't be there, but understood it was too far.

So, it was the four of us

and the four Goodwins.

We share a condo, with the 4 boys, ages 7,6, 4 & 3, in their own room.

We were able to stay for 10 days this year! That's right, 10 days! We were a little concerned it might be too long for all of us being that close together for that long, but IT WAS WONDERFUL!!! We'd do it again this summer if we could!

The night before we were supposed to be leaving, Tyler got some kind of bug and was throwing up! Ugh! It was a Saturday morning, and luckily our pediatrician's office is open on Saturday mornings. We took him to the doctor, who advised we at least wait until late afternoon to be sure he felt well enough to travel. He slowly began drinking a little and was able to keep it down. After several hours of no puking, we decided we'd get in the truck, with a small garbage can next to him, and head to the beach. Tyler was very worried that he was going to be too sick to play on the beach. An advantage of being there for 10 days was that we could go slowly. But we made it there and Tyler slowly began eating over the next couple of days and got back to his normal self, and, thankfully, no one else got sick.

Our good friends Jeremy and Katie Toombs and their 3 children, Olivia, Wyatt, & Hampton, who live in Memphis, were there at the same time we were so we were able to spend some time with them as well. Although they had some bad luck while they were there. Jeremy (Toombs) twisted his ankle and was on crutches, and the baby, Hampton, got sick too. So they had to make a couple of trips to the nearby urgent care facility.

One of the great things about being there for 10 days was that we didn't feel like we had to get up and rush out to spend every moment we had on the beach. We slept in a little, with the adults taking turns getting up to monitor the boys, who seemed to wake up by 6:30 every morning. Then we went out to the beach for a while, playing in the waves and the sand and just relaxing.

The boys dug lots of holes,

caught lots of crabs and minnows, rode boogie boards,

and jumped waves. Tucker and Hayden were also "killing" or "punching" the waves as they came in. They all had a blast and were a lot of fun to watch.

We'd go in for lunch and to rest for a bit, although there were several naps taken on the beach.

Then we'd head back out either to the beach or the pool.

The guys, Jeremy and Kurt, grilled out for us a few times for dinner. We ordered pizza a couple of times, and of course we had to go eat at Lambert's Cafe one night.

The Toombs' came to eat with us when we went there and we all went to The Track afterwards to ride go-karts, which was lots of fun! This was the only picture we got since we were all riding them at the same time. This was the "rookie track" where the kids got to drive their own!

The only cooking I had to do the whole 10 days was a couple of breakfasts and the baked potatoes, which I put in the microwave, when Jeremy grilled steaks.

One morning, Jeremy and Kurt and the big boys, Tyler and Dylan, went on a charter fishing trip.

They were all excited about this. Tyler even caught a shark!

It was a small one, but a shark nonetheless! They all had fun doing that. Maybe next year, or the next, all the boys can go. The mommies will just take a nap on the beach until they get back!

Mandy and I did get an evening of outlet shopping, which we thoroughly enjoyed, while Jeremy and Kurt took care of the boys. They also let us have a couple of hours of tanning time by the pool without the kids one afternoon. They even had them bathed and ready to go to Lambert's when we got back to the condo! Awesome!

THAT is my kind of vacation - little to no cooking, sleeping in, sitting on the beach or by the pool, kids entertaining themselves with friends, and just relaxing for 10 days! I am so thankful that I have a wonderful husband who has a good job/career and is able to take us on a 10 day vacation to the beach. He works hard, and he really enjoyed the time away with us too! I am looking forward to more fun vacations in the future!

Recent Kid Quotes

We all know kids can say the funniest things. I am not very good at writing things down, but I remembered I had a blog! I can just add them here.

Here are a couple of things Tucker has said recently that I thought were hilarious and would like to remember:

"You're a genius, Tyler!" (Tucker is 3; Tyler is 6) (I think they were playing games on their DS and Tyler got him past a part that was hard for him.)

"Tyler's words are getting a little annoying." (He told me this after I told him to go play with Tyler.)

Tyler is a little more cautious about what he says, and he's not quite as loud as Tucker, so there may be fewer of his quotes on here in the days to come. I'm going to try to remember to put them on here as I hear them, though.

Tyler's Baptism

My 6 year old son, Tyler, was baptized yesterday, Sunday, June 6, 2010. What a wonderful day for us all! My earlier post tells the story of when he asked Jesus into his heart. Since then, he has been excited about being baptized.

As we were leaving our 10 day vacation at Orange Beach, he said, "I know what's next. I'm getting baptized!" I love the pure joy and excitement he has about it.

My mom and one of my sisters, Carrie, and her 3 children were able to come down to be there for his baptism. Our close friends, Kurt and Mandy Goodwin and their boys, Dylan and Hayden, also came to church with us for it.

The pictures below did not capture this moment, but hopefully I'll be able to post a video later of the baptism. As Pastor Kirk was immersing Tyler in the water, Tyler let his feet come up in the air! I thought it was just perfect!

It was a special day. We even got a cake to celebrate! Jeremy picked it out, based on Tyler's tastes, not his own. It was a chocolate fudge cake. (Yummy!)

Here are a few pictures from the day:

Going into the water

Pastor Kirk asking Tyler if he has asked Jesus into his heart

Coming out of the water

A proud Christian (earplugs and all!)
A very happy family photo

(Well, that's the best we can get out of Tucker sometimes)

"The Dailyness"

This is a wonderful devotion for moms who deal with the "dailyness" of life as a mom.

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2010/05/dailyness.html